Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
