can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
