just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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