Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
