Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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