so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
