Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
