We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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