if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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