I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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