i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
