I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
