I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
