first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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