Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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