Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
