The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
