I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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