What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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