I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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