You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Your cock deserves a montage
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
