my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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