I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
