Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
