so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
