last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
