So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
