Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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