I am puke
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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