I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
