found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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