ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
