Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
