I wanna passion pit in your ass
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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