So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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