His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
