so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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