Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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