benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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