Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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