Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
