Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
