my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
