he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
