If i come over, it means nothing
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Randomize
