I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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