So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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