Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's not a walk of shame if you run
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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