Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
