what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
