Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
