I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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