Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
