the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
