I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
