I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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