so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
