I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
